i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
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Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
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Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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