I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
