Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
