Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
