can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
