You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
