Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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