I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
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STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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