when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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