The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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