Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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