I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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