I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
