my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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