Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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