when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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