I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
