come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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