I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
