Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
