just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
