why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
