im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
