So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
