I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
