I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
