I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
