Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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