I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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