i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
