brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The adults are the big ones right?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
