so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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