Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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