I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
