Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
