remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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