Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
