What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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