She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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