why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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