talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
