Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
