quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
