Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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