Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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