I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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