it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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