Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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