TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
