I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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