the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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