my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
