When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
not ubering you a puppy
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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