I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
