I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my being single is dangerous.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
