Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
