I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
