if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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