i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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