I accidentally burped into my bong.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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