Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The uberlube is also flammable
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
