I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
