while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
it's like heaven, but drunker
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
