you guys were way drunker than both of me
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also, beer. Big fan.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
