You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
