Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
