I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
