I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
