A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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