He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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