i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
