If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
