IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
