i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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