I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
